A Rant, the Guide, and future King....

A return to form...

The Rant:

As we struggle back to reality after our Irish interlude, I picked up my October copy of Bon Appétit. By the time I finished going through it, I was ready to pitch it in the bay. I was livid.. The first aggravation was seeing the column by Molly (I love me, a whole lot) Wizenberg, the lady who parlayed her vapid (I’m cooking a crème brute tonight!) blog Orangette into a column in Gourmet and apparently Bon Appétit has picked it up (those Condé Nast folks are just one big happy family). In this issue there is a column by her called “In search of the perfect meatball”. She confides to us that after a seven year vegetarian stint, she had an apocryphal event (in a Seattle restaurant) where she discovered a...... meat ball. She then goes on to relate how this awakening “that a sphere of seasoned meat could make me so thoroughly ecstatic” sent her off on a quest for the “perfect” meatball (and apparently changed her eating regimen).. Gimme a break. After some more pap, she relates what she considers the “perfect” recipe.

Okay, meatballs probably fall in the category of crab cakes and chili. You like what you like. Apparently Ms. Wizenberg assumes that whatever she considers “perfect” is also what is good for you. Excused me Molly, is there enough room in here for an ant and your ego?

And she then goes on to say that one of the reasons for success of the recipe is how you hold your freaking hand, describing how you need to adopt a “claw” approach, complete with instructions on how you hold your fingers what the tension should be, even a diagram in the "Prep School" section at the back. I repeat, gimme a break. It's just a meat ball for God's sake.

After the foam subsided from my mouth, I leafed through the rest of the magazine, my blood pressure lowering as I observed the recipes for root vegetables, (Horseradish Glazed Brisket and Short Ribs with Root Vegetable Hash)., and Soy Based Country Ribs with Carrots and Turnips. then a nice little article on mushrooming in France, Okay, that’s fine, I’m calming down now…

And then, and then, I turned to the last page, where they usually “interview” some celeb, asking “what’s your favorite….” I was interested (and surprised) to see that this month they selected Danica Patrick, who some may recognize as a NASCAR driver. With increasingly mounting ire, I read the “interview”. She claims she has taken classes at CIA, “there is no better place to learn, and the whole experience taught me to use different ingredients and be adventurous”. Wow, Danica what a great lesson and insight! The standard question of “What’s your favorite restaurant?” was answered with “the French Laundry – whatever they are serving that night is fine by me”.. Gosh, Danica, you’re so real. Was that written by your publicist?. Excuse me, how many races have you won? And after your dinner at the French Laundry, do you go do those tasteful Go Daddy dot com commercials? Is it all about you? Ya think?

Whew, I feel better.

The Guide:

On a little brighter note, today’s Wash Post Magazine is the yearly dining guide by Tom Sietsema. Probably rates a little more ink when I (ha ha) digest it, but a quick look through reveals that the Inn at Little Washington and Michel Richard Citronelle retain their 4 stars (Superlative, unsurpassed). Michel’s downtown bistro Central garners only two and a half stars. More later...

the (Future King):

Okay, have to gear up for the second day of the St. Mary’s County Oyster Festival out at the fairgrounds. Yesterday’s superlative weather brought out almost record crowds. I spent a lot of time at the cookoff, and met some new cook friends. I also have tons of pictures which will find their way here in time.. Mark your calendars for next year as the Bottom Feeder will be crowned “King Oyster”.

So today I will be

DFO(ysters)