Letting off Steam...

These things build up, one here, one there, and finally the valve pops, and I have to release the pressure by ranting a bit…here’s a couple that have bugged me lately

Cooking

The July issue of Food & Wine arrived recently with a photo of eleven folks dressed in chef coats looking generally happy. The coats were fairly long sleeved, but a close inspection revealed no indications of “body art” (although I would be a fool if I thought there weren’t any), and also no studs, rings, or other piercing jewelry was visible. But the reason they were there was because they were this year’s crop of “Best New Chefs” (that word again) which are selected every year. Fine, that’s great; it will help their restaurant and maybe give somebody a nudge into the profession. Oh, did I mention that Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t make the cut?

All that is good. No beef (ha ha) there. But, but, the pressure started to build when I saw the tag line under the “Best New Chefs” cover head line was this tag: “and their simplest recipes”. What’s the matter with these publishers? And even down in the lower corner of the same issue is the line: “Grill like a chef on July 4th”. I guess their general impression of “the public” is that they are a bunch of incompetent cooks, unable to decipher a recipe calling for a sauté or braise or something requiring even the basic of kitchen skills. I can see it now…

Chef Whisk’s easiest recipe:

Ingredients:

Medium Sized Pan
A source of water.

Method:

1. Fill a non-reactive pan with water by holding it just below the tap to avoid spillage, and fill with cold water to just an inch or two below the rim. Tip: mark the end of a wooden spoon with a magic marker in one inch increments, and use this to verify the surface of the water is an inch below the rim.

2. Place pan on a burner, cover, and apply medium to medium high heat.

3. In fifteen minutes or so, the lid will begin rattling and bouncing. With a pot holder carefully lift the lid. If there are bubbles rolling up on the surface of the water, it’s done!

4. Remove from heat and enjoy your Boiled Water!


Gosh, Chef Whisk! That is so neat! Like, I can’t wait to try it!! I’ll be just like a chef!

Don't tell

And then there’s the whole subject of “secrets”. How many times have you seen the headline or article with something like “Chef’s Secrets Revealed!”, or “Chef Whisk demonstrates the secret to (whatever)”. See, if only you knew this secret, you could immediately become a chef de cuisine in that three starred restaurant! Well, here’s one for you: the “Secret” of making a buerre blanc.

Get yourself a dozen or so eggs, 4 pounds of butter, shallots, white wine and white wine vinegar, and find a recipe. Then, make ten or fifteen buerre blancs, over and over. You fail, you try again. Maybe it takes a day, maybe it takes 20 times, but eventually you will be able to make one confidently any time you want to.

The secret? Hard work and practice. You think people like Jacques Pepin or Daniel Boulud became great chefs by doing shortcuts and “easy” recipes? Don’t think so. Years of miserable work in a hot kitchen learning by doing. That’s the “Secret”. What crap.

Sporting life

And, the “secret” mentality is not limited to cooking. Sports are the same. Ever see those golf magazines with a cover that says something like: “Take ten strokes from your score instantly with this tip!” Sports people tend to use “tips”, but it means the same as secret. One little thing like moving your pinky finger an inch down the shaft will immediately produce a consistent swing like Rory McIlroy.. never mind hitting hundreds of practice balls, just move that pinky..

I agree with H. L. Mencken: “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public”

last rant more sports:

I don’t know when this became “allowable”, but now we see sideline “Reporters” inserting themselves into the action during the game/match. Couple of examples: during a recent College World Series game when the opposing team just scored 5 runs on them, the floozy women sticks a microphone in the manager’s face and says something inane like “How are you going to come back from this?”; or “what was going through your mind when that 5th run crossed the plate?”. Coaches want to coach, not give a deep psychological analysis of themselves. I suppose they have agreed to this or the NCAA/ESPN shoved it down their throats but it’s stupid.

Then in the recent series for Lord Stanley’s Cup, they stationed some idiot “between the glass” who would comment on the play on the ice. “They’re going to have to score more goals if they want to win this!”. Wowee! Or, just before the crucial game seven he asks some player who is obviously zoned out, pumped up for the game with vacant and steely eyes: “how are you going to recover after getting shut out last game”; or to the coach during the game “how are you going to stop their power play?”.

During my years of coaching hockey, if some idiot came on my bench and asked me something stupid like that, I would have received a game misconduct for attempt to injure.. Just cover the game, don’t help

okay, pressure gage reads normal.....for now

And for this I won’t even remind you to

DFD