Flumoxxed with Fluff!!

You know, just when you think you know what you’re doing..

I am always pleased when I find that my opinions and observations are shared by people I respect in the food business.  For instance recently I got puffed up when I saw Edward Behr said in his book that cheese may be the perfect food as I have often stated.  Or those lists of ten most annoying things servers do are pretty much the same as the feeder's.  So you tend to get to thinking you know what you’re doing and are pretty smart when it comes to food. 

Well, then you get brought back to earth.

In the very last Bottom Feeder, I lit into Diane and Carolyn’s article in Cook’s Country for talking about Crab Fluff!  Fluff? I said! Humpff... And I dug the hole deeper by claiming that I have been around the coast, am a savvy diner, never heard of crab fluff, and so on.  IDIOTS!

So then I get an email from a friend who is native (I think) Baltimore and spends a lot of time there and eats out fairly often..  She very kindly and tactfully informed me that indeed Crab Fluff IS found on menus in Baltimore, along with another local dish of “fried hard shell crabs”.  I asked her for places that might have them on the menu, and for lack of knowledge suggested Phillips.  Well, lack of knowledge was correct.  Phillips for a Baltimore seafood lover Phillips is like Olive Garden is to somebody from “the Hill” in St. Louis.. Ptoooie!!!!

She supplied a list of places that she and her husband have found and like for crab cakes mostly.  One is called “Jads Caddyshack” in the Essex area of Baltimore.  Third entry on the Seafood menu is:  “Crab Fluffs - Two 6 oz. jumbo lump crab cakes double-dipped in our special beer batter and deep fried golden brown”.  On the menu for Bo Brooks Crab House on Boston Street in Baltimore are “Crab Fluffs - our famous backfin cake beer battered and deep fried” and a bit further down: “Hard Fried Crab our classic backfin crab cake stuffed inside a hard shell crab, battered and fried.”, and finally on the menu at Schultz’s, Crab Fluff (on crackers) is served as an appetizer, and stuffed fried Hard Shells are an entrée.. 

It seems that “fluff” is a deep fried crab cake.  Somehow “fluff” doesn’t seem my idea of a deep fried crab cake, but…  So it turns out I have some exploring to do, and horns to pull in.  Better be more careful in the future.  And FWIW their favorite place for crab cakes is Friendly Farm (Upperco, Maryland).  It sounds like a really neat place, and a candidate for the “just right” list.   No fluff or fried hard shells on the menu.. Road trip!!

More Farms

Clever segue, eh?  A long (long) time ago, when I was chasing flutter model construction, our major supplier was Lee Wasserman who owned an outfit near Dayton, Ohio.  Of course as a fledging engineer, I was banished, er, I mean sent there to monitor construction of various models and make sure they met specs.    I went with another legend from the past, a Joe Anglin, who taught me ever so much more than flutter models.  Anyway our routine was to get up early and go to Bob Evan’s for breakfast.  It had wonderful (handmade patty) sausage, hot eggs, real potatoes, friendly servers and a lot of “regulars”. It has remained in my memory banks as a great breakfast.  Of course in the intervening years, Bob Evans has succumbed to the siren song of lunch and dinner, an outlet on every intersection and so on.  I have not entered one in years (as part of my expanding anti-chain mentality) so it was with a little curiosity I agreed to a breakfast gathering for one of my clubs last week.

The interior is sort of clinical with no hint of place, could be in Indiana.  Mostly booths, although there were a few tables, and I was (late) and greeted at the door.  I joined my friends and asked for decaf coffee which was brought in one of those thermal pots.  We finally got around to considering food.  The menu is a rather large tri-fold glossy laminated affair, and I THINK it may cover all meals since the do breakfast all day.  Anyway a group of four of us kind of had to juggle the menus with some overlapping.  The menu offers (for breakfast) various combinations of (duhh) eggs, breakfast meats (did NOT see scrapple), hash browns (more on his later), or home fries, biscuits, toasts, etc.  I ended up getting the “wake up and shine” or whatever it is called, eggs, meats, spuds, and breads for something like eight bucks.  Over easy, bacon, hash browns, no biscuits or toast.  Our server was generally kind and was indulgent of the four of us who kind of didn’t know what we wanted.

Anyway, mine appeared exactly like this

While it isn’t awful, do you think anybody looked at it?  How critical do you want to be?  Bacon almost falling off plate, egg unceremoniously drooping, “strings”, potatoes disturbed..  Not awful but not appetizing either.  Have to admit eggs were cooked correctly with hot yolks, bacon was a bit weird texture, maybe pre-cooked, but overall not bad tastewise.

So when it came time to leave our server presented our checks, and announced that they were having a contest as to who could sell the most soup.  We could get a quart for five bucks.  I don’t know what to think about that… I don’t remember if the money went to charity or not, but it did present kind of an awkward situation.  She left the checks without any explanation of “pay me” or “pay at the desk” which seemed the obvious choice since you walk by the cash register coming in..  My bill was $10.69, so eventually I fished out three bucks, left it on the table (yes, I know too much) and took the check to the stand.  I was already almost late for meeting number two, but not yet critical.  So when I got to the cash register I handed the guy a twenty and a one (cash on hand).  He rang up the check, and said that will be $29.86 sir.   Huh!  He again stared at the check (clearly showing $10.69), stared at me, stared at his machine, and I offered maybe she somehow put all in at once.  No, sir.  More staring and punching.  Without wasting more of your time what ensued was ten minutes of a parade of the server, the straw manager, and finally the big manager, all clustered at the side computer screen..  I don’t know what happened sir, just a moment. Apparently they could find no record of my order.   Okay circuit breaker blows.. I laid 11 bucks on the counter told them they would eventually straighten it out, and with half hearted “sorry about that sir” ringing in my ears,  I left.  Don’t think I’ll be back soon.

And I know your vision is blurring at this point, a quick follow on.  MFO had a friend who had a breakfast there also lately.  Ordered his eggs over easy, and also hash browns.  His eggs arrived “like hockey pucks”, and he asked his server “did you look at these?”.  Answer:  “why would I?”.  hash browns were cold, and only cooked on one side.  Upon checking out the answer to “how was everything?” was about the potatoes.  “Our policy is to only cook the potatoes on one side, sir”.  Astonishing, I would have no response to that.  Don’t think I’ll be back soon, if ever.

Too bad Bob, I miss you.  At that time I was

DFB