Last Chain Link

Okay, life intervened a bit yesterday and I didn’t get to the last link in the chain.  Tension only building.. So, we’ll wrap up this overly verbose series on Tom Sietsema’s reviews of top ten chains, with his “final Four”.  Let’s do a little game.   The final four include Denny’s, Texas Roadhouse, Cracker Barrel, and Olive Garden..  Take a moment and try to think what order you would put them in.  Probably you will be able to guess his lineup, but here are excerpts from his descriptions…scores removed

Denny’s

 “The cheeseburger? It’s a whopper. Bite down on the construction, built with a bun that’s freckled with Sesame seeds, and the crusty patty might squirt juices…you know, like a decent hamburger might.  My go to entrée is spaghetti and meat balls offered with a sauce that bridges sweetness and tang…Upon exiting his Uber driver told him that “it feels like my Grandfather’s, proof that chains can be personal”

Best of the Bunch: Pancakes, hash browns, spaghetti and meatballs, warm chocolate lava cake (with a tip of his hat to Jean-Georges Vongerichten)

Steer clear of: Seasonal specialties such as pancakes smothered in what tastes like white Chocolate with orange zest.

Cracker Barrel

“no other chain restaurant in my months-long survey comes as close to home cooking as this operation.  An imbiber’s regret: no wine or beer to enjoy with my meal… Soda glasses are refilled without your having to ask… requests are met with “yes sir, or ma’am".. I take home what I can’t finish…a “country boy” platter (pork chops, fried apples and cheesy hash browns makes me think of my grandmother, a feat managed by no other chain.

Best of the Bunch:  Meatloaf, pork chops, trout (!), mac and cheese, pecan pie

Steer clear of: Chicken and dumplings

Texas Roadhouse

“Beef is your friend here, be it in a bowl of zippy chili, chopped steak under a cover of cheese and caramelized onions, or an agreeable rib-eye cooked to the color you ask…. This pine-walled roadhouse is the only brand I know that invites (birthday celebrants) to sit on a saddle-on-wheels, while being feted with staff led cheering and clapping… pleasant surprise is the Cactus Blossom (deep fried onion)..which puts the bloomin’ draw from the place that pretends to take you Down Under to shame.  Does enough dishes well to become your choice among like brands (steak houses)..

Best: Most anything starring beef, mashed potatoes, Cactus Blossom

Steer clear: Pulled pork (dry) and catfish (stiff)

Olive Garden

“unlike some of its competition, the place smells like actual cooking is going on…Of all the restaurants I surveyed, this one aspires to a modicum of sophistication… The bartender steered him away from the house wine…décor plays up the Italian theme.. but the popular breadsticks.. palatable only when warm are wholly American, as is the kitchen’s tendency to overcook its pastas…gloppy fettuccini tastes nothing like I’ve encountered in the Old World

Best:  gratis wine tastes, minestrone, spaghetti and meatballs, tiramisu

Steer:…: Sangria that tastes like Kool-Aid for adults, Tour of Italy (not!)

Ta daaa!

Of course your personal opinion will be colored by experiences you may have had in any of those four venues, BUT the palate for hire Mr. Sietsema puts them in the following order:

4: Olive Garden, Grade C; 3: Texas Roadhouse, Grade B; 2: Denny’s, Grade B; and the top dog: Cracker Barrel, Grade A.

So what do you think?  I’m not sure who I would put one, but personally I don’t much care for the “barrel”.   While Tom S. likes the (for sale) rockers on the porch and the requisite trip through “a folksy retail store peddling candy, regional sodas, clothing, toys and Gwen Stefani’s Christmas release”.  I find that kind of a sleazy marketing ploy for trapped patrons.  The whole place just seems too chummy for me..  But, a lot of people do like it (one reader enjoys the ability to choose sides).  I have only had breakfast. 

Of his ten chosen venues (only full service restaurant chains – for my friend near Carmel, CA), our little SOMD community is only missing Chili’s, Red Lobster, and Denny’s.  But, those are available 30 miles away in Waldorf…not destination dining..

Hope you enjoyed following the links in the chain… and now

A little lagniappe

Dining Disaster:

Since I usually pass along any dining triumphs, and what (little) success I have in actual cooking, I should relate the other side of the coin when it occurs.

 

Last night a friend in the neighborhood brought me a few Oysters.  He routinely cooks them, and I mentioned that sometime I would like a few.  So last night he brought me a few:

Now, even though I hang out with pro and good amateur shuckers, I am pitiful, and am afraid of injuring myself with an Oyster Knife.  So, I usually have others do the prep and I enjoy the consumption, I asked my friend how he usually prepared them.  “Easy” he says.. "put them on a sheet pan, put in a 325 degree oven, and in a “few minutes” they will “pop open” and you can pull them out, remove the top shell, cut them loose and enjoy".  Great, I can do that, says I.   So I crank up the Dacor

And commit the little bivalves

While waiting for the “pop”, I assemble the ingredients for the "in house" cocktail sauce:

  Not shown is teaspoon or so of fresh lemon juice

Proportions by eye and taste, I whisk them together and get it ready to adorn the oysters still watching and waiting for the “pop”

So I wait.........and wait,  wait some more, refresh my cocktail, and wait… an hour passes and they looked unphased

So I followed MFO’s (sternly worded) suggestion to up the temp, which I did to 425.  Another half hour passes and they’re still tight as a drum.  Since (we got a late start) the hour was getting late, we doused the oven, turned out the lights and crestfallen went to bed…

I know a lot of folks use this technique, so I am not sure where the failure was.  I consulted a local aquaculture guy who grows oysters and he usually does them that way on a grill.  Figures the temp anywhere from 450 to 500, and takes around eight to ten minutes. 

While it seems obvious, the Feeder will welcome any (civil) suggestions, either by replying to the blog, or using my Metrocrap email address, or even PM on Facebook.

And I was a long way from being

DFD

and my chance to Moon you